I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i think my tv is drunk
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
