So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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