No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Randomize
