is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
