We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
