Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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