My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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