Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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