Is it normal to miss your booty call?
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
