So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
