Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
And then the night went full on bisexual.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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