im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
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