Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
