I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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