i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Vodka?
Forever.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
