I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
