the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
The uberlube is also flammable
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
