I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
