can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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