Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
