how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
