If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
