why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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