non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
