Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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