she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
