I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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