Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
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