Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
