just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize