yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize