Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
