he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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