Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
