why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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