a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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