I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Randomize