I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
he puts the penis in happiness.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
