You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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