Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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