4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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