my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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