the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
