Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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