so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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