the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
