Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
