My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
you inspire me to be a worse person
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
