Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize