JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
