Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize