I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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