bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
