So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
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