Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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