Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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