everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
