Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
