I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
